The Experience of God

 Two authors to whom I turn to propose in a meaningful way the possibility that Christianity is, to put it vulgarly, true, are Rene Girard and C.S. Lewis. Why? Because both understand the phenomenon in relation to myth in a way that makes sense, though they often use language that seems contradictory to one another: for Lewis Christianity is the "true myth" whereas for Girard it is the "anti-myth." But this difference in verbal choice is not as profound as it seems. For Lewis Christianity fulfills the expectation raised by pagan stories about gods that die and rise again. The principle difference here is that this one time "it really happened." Jesus was historical; Dionysus was not, nor any "corn god." All cultures seem to have the myth, but only in Christianity was the story actually enacted in a human being. 

Both Girard and Lewis make a point of showing how the gospels do not seem to be at all aware of this. We can't say that the gospel writers saw how the myth worked and worked their story into that paradigm in order to give it legitimacy. They show an profound ignorance of any similarity to the myth. They are indeed at pains to show how Jesus fulfills Old Testament prophecies, so much so that they seem perfectly willing to bend any Old Testament verse into any shape to show Jesus in light of it. That what the gospel writers think of as prophetic can so easily be dismissed by anyone who prefers not to see any prophecy in it is telling. The hard thing is actually seeing how the actions of Jesus fit into the quotations (often inaccurate). Even the Jesus of the New Testament seems to find it troublesome that he has to do things just to fulfill a prophecy. 

For Girard Jesus' story is an anti-myth because in the myths the killed God is really guilty, and the people who kill him are right to kill him. His death has the effect of stopping violence, which has been spiraling out of control. It's a true sacrifice. But non-mythic Jesus is an anti-sacrifice. The people who kill him are guilty of murder. This is simply not part of the mythic text that Lewis addresses, or even notices. 

Both Lewis and Girard tell stories of how their lives forced them into a belief in Jesus against their inclinations, Lewis in Surprised by Joy, and Girard in many interviews. Lewis was haunted by the idea of "true myth." (There's much preceding this haunting that you'll have to read for yourself.) Girard was struck by the ubiquity of mimetic violence and how Jesus alone responds in a permanent way to that violence, as the non-sacrifice that essentially ends all sacrifice. (Read "Things Hidden Since the Beginning of the World.") 

What neither deals with in much detail is whether this intellectual realization that Christianity must be true is followed by an experience of God--what the New Testament calls "The Holy Spirit"--in the life of the individual. I can't imagine that intellectual assent is sufficient for anything we can rightly call "faith." And yet how much experience of God is needed? What is it like? When you are having it, how do you know you are having it? How easy it would be to confuse or fake such experiences. Certainly your claim to have had such an experience should mean nothing to me, no matter how honest and sincere you are. We all have experiences we can call "God." Or not call "God." We don't even have to believe in God to have such experiences. What should one look for, hope for, need even? 

If God exists, then every moment of my life I experience God. God is ubiquitous like air, and, like air, easy not to notice until it isn't there. But God is never not there. (If God is somehow not in Hell it's because Hell is not a "where.") If God doesn't exist, I have never experienced God. 

There are moments when one is more aware of the air--when the wind blows, when you climb a mountain, exercise hard, or hold your breath. And there are moments when one is more aware of an experience that one is tempted to call God. And there are even moments--for me just one--when one finds it difficult or impossible not to think one is experiencing God. The awareness of God or the lack of awareness moment to moment is what I'm concerned with. Faith is more than intellectual assent.